The Baal Shem Tov taught, “Forgetfulness leads to exile, while remembrance is the secret of redemption.”
I’ve defined, designed, aligned and refined my life to the divine over and over again throughout my 67 years in body. I’ve lived many lives in my time on earth. And while I’ve got miles on my body and have recently cleared away a tick-borne illness, discovered in the emotional aftershock of the Israel invasion on October 7th, 2023, a text threat from my former spouse/domestic abuser on October 23rd 2023, and dating for marriage, my soul keeps walking her talk.
Here’s why:
It began with a deep cut, offered not by strangers but by my own parents. A wound that shaped the course of my soul’s assignment.
I had to mother myself long before I understood what it meant to be whole. I became my own safe haven, learning to breathe through inherited pain and transform the sharp edges of karma into softness.
From that place, love became my teacher.
Not the fleeting kind, but the enduring frequency that outlives pain.
Love led me through the deserts of divorce, the sacred ache of caregiving, the awakening of ceremonies, and the redefinition of spiritual leadership when the title no longer fit.
The wound became the wisdom.
The exile became the map.
And love, pure, fierce, divine, became the compass.
Torah has taught me, yes. But it is love that has transformed me.
It is love that repairs timelines. Love that humbles. Love that opens gates of mercy and teaches us to stay open even when the world shuts down.
Still, the world struggles to understand this language.
We’ve confused love with approval, compliance, or transaction.
We’ve mistaken power for presence and loyalty for alignment.
The masses are reading from the wrong script.
They recite tradition but forget the tenderness.
They build walls of belief but forget that Torah itself was given in the wilderness, unclaimed, unpolished, and wild.
Redemption is not reserved for the religious.
It is for the ready.
And readiness begins with remembering:
You are loved.
You come from love.
You are here to love.
That is the scroll I carry.
That is the scroll I offer you now.
The Five Books of Moses are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
Over the years, I’ve come to see that the soul’s journey echoes the arc of the Torah itself.
From Genesis, where we define our origin, to Exodus, where we begin to design a life aligned with Divine purpose.
Leviticus teaches us to bring presence to practice.
Numbers calls us to refine through wandering,
and Deuteronomy reminds us to live with devotion, drawing wisdom from all that came before.
This sacred pattern isn’t just in the scroll.
It lives in the body, in the breath, in the cycles of love and loss we each endure.
The Five Books of Melinda: defined, designed, aligned and refined to the divine.
Genesis / G*d’s creation story / Defined:
Roots and Expectations I was born on Miami Beach, the youngest of three. My two older brothers had Bar Mitzvahs, but it was decided I wouldn’t have a Bat Mitzvah. Up until my teen years, life was basic: food, shelter, bedtime stories.
The Summer of Silence The summer I turned 14 in 1972, my father suddenly wasn’t living at home. My mother cried behind closed doors, but no one explained anything. I was confused and alone in the silence. I later learned that this was the summer of my father’s affair, kept secret by everyone. He was a lieutenant in the Miami Beach Police Department, working as head of security for the Republican and Democratic Conventions. His responsibilities were intense, but the cost at home was greater.
Greynolds Park and the Longing for Freedom That summer of silence, while my mother cried in private, I rode my bike to Greynolds Park. There I found what my home lacked: music, movement, and people unafraid to feel. Hippies danced, the scent of marijuana floated through the air. I kept my distance, but part of me longed for that freedom. Decades later, in my fifties, I would reclaim that joy in a way that felt safe, spiritual, and mine.
The First Initiation That unspoken grief became my first initiation, the beginning of my soul’s forging. In the absence of emotional guidance, I began mothering myself. The protection I longed for became the presence I now offer others. That is the heart of being my own Bashert.
Sacred Memory in a Foreign Land The following summer, at fifteen, I traveled to Israel, a life-changing trip just before the Yom Kippur War. Jets roared above us wherever we went. I didn’t realize it then, but the experience planted seeds of both sacred memory and spiritual longing.
Mending, Masks, and Diplomacy Back home, my mom tried to mend the marriage. She threw herself into volunteering for politicians and the Council for International Visitors. Our Reform Jewish home hosted dignitaries from around the world. I appreciated the cultural richness but found the Reform setting emotionally hollow.
Confirmation and Gratitude I was confirmed in Reform Judaism at 16, and for that, I am deeply grateful. In truth, I’m grateful for all of it; the trials, the revelations, and the moments of quiet grace that led me to become who I am.
Permission to Remember While healing from Lyme disease in 2024, I received my mother’s blessing to finally share how I felt as a girl. I had waited decades, not out of fear, but out of respect. With her permission and my own inner clarity, I now offer these truths not only to those who know me, but to the world at large. May they serve as a mirror, a balm, or a light for others walking their own path of becoming.
Beside Me, Not Behind From here, I invite you to walk with me, not behind or ahead, but beside me, as I share the teachings, tools, and soul truths that have emerged from this sacred becoming.
Exodus / God tells Moses I am That I am / Designed:
The Invitation to Become Not a fixed identity, but an invitation to become. This chapter of my life was where I began to design who I truly was, and who I was no longer willing to be.
A Love That Lit the Way At 19, I experienced a brief but beautiful first love with Jonathan Colby. His Hebrew name, Yonatan, means “G*d has given”—and he was just that. Pure, innocent, passionate, and true. Though we went our separate ways that fall, we kept the candle of remembrance lit through the twists of time. That kind of connection—romantic, soulful, enduring—is rare. For Jonathan, I will always be grateful.
Parallel Paths and Diverging Dreams During the same period, my brothers were building lives of success. One became a leader in public safety, the other made his mark in entertainment, beginning with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. They inspired me, even as our paths diverged.
Swaying Through the System I, meanwhile, swayed through college at the University of Florida, earning a degree in finance. Soon after, I met my future husband on a disco dance floor. We married, and he pursued his passion for rare coins, history, and precious metals. Our firstborn arrived five years later. Then came a daughter. But something never felt quite right.
When Destiny Feels Dim He traveled often, returned home hungover, and I began to ask—was this really my destiny?
The Storm That Set Us Free Then came Hurricane Andrew, wiping out our home and offering, in its own divine way, a kind of refuge. We relocated to an Orthodox neighborhood. I immersed myself in Torah and Hebrew study. For nearly twelve years, observance became my healing medicine.
Twelve Years of Devotion Meanwhile, our business expanded into diamonds, fine watches, and luxury collectibles. On the outside, we had success. But inside the marriage, I never felt like the crown jewel. And that is the essence of Bashert—to be treasured.
5.5.5: A Wake-Up Call On May 5, 2005—5.5.5—I awakened. I held myself, and him, accountable. I asked for change. I gave him 90 days. On the 91st, clarity came. He wasn’t ready to treasure me. I filed for divorce.
Designing a New Exodus Our children transitioned from day school to public school. I turned inward and upward, determined to design a new kind of Exodus—for them and for me. Their path would lead toward college. Mine would lead to wherever G*d would take me.
Becoming a Rabbi, Becoming Myself What I didn’t yet know was that the path would lead to becoming a Rabbi, a teacher, and eventually, a guide for others.
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Leviticus / God forgives and gives instructions / Aligned:
We Are in Love Thirdly, as far as God and I, we are in love, always and in all ways.
The Practice of Holiness Leviticus is often seen as the book of laws and offerings, but beneath its details lies a deeper truth: holiness is not a performance. It is a practice. It is alignment. And for me, that alignment began when I chose to reclaim responsibility for my life—not just spiritually, but emotionally, physically, and financially.
The Shifting Family Structure As my son and daughter entered young adulthood, I knew the structure that once guided our family was dissolving. Their move from Maimonides Day School to public school mirrored the greater shift taking place within me. I could no longer outsource my worth to roles, rituals, or relationships. The alignment I sought would have to come from within.
The Thread I Had Lost I had spent years holding a marriage, a household, a business, and my children’s education together. But I had lost the thread of myself. After the divorce, I dove into personal growth, spiritual study, and trauma-informed healing. I began exploring coaching, sacred leadership, and somatic wisdom. I also discovered that the rarest treasure I could offer wasn’t gold or diamonds—it was my own integration.
What Alignment Requires Alignment meant learning to speak without apology, feel without shutting down, and lead without leaving myself behind. It meant doing the hard work of forgiving my parents, not for their choices, but for the silence. It meant learning to forgive myself for believing I had to be everything for everyone.
A Life Made Sacred Leviticus reminds us that the altar must be tended daily. And so must we.
I began to live as if my life was the offering. Not to be sacrificed, but sanctified.
Numbers / God shares peace and presence in the land of Canaan / Refined:
Walking Toward My Tikkun In this chapter of my life, I began to walk with the awareness that every step, even those taken in loss, is part of my Tikkun. I follow my own star. Life and love have broken me open, and in doing so, have made me whole.
A Different Kind of Ordination Then, on May 14th—Mother’s Day and Israel Independence Day—I received my ordination. It was not through a traditional rabbinical seminary, but in the spirit of how rabbis were once ordained: through direct mentorship and spiritual apprenticeship. Rabbi Loring Frank, a local and deeply unique figure, offered me this blessing after we met on New Year’s Day. It marked the beginning of my reconciliation and redemption.
Though our hearts never aligned romantically, we remained in care for one another as spiritual leaders. We return to one another when spirit calls, and usually, it was I who reached out, seeking the sacred spark in his presence. There is humor and holiness in that too.
The Energy That Opened Me After my ordination in 2009, I was invited to a Gaiadon Heart meditation weekend. Because it included Kabbalah, I said yes. During one of the meditations, a vortex of warm energy opened at the base of my skull. I could feel the light of the teachings activating something ancient and alive in me.
Letting Go of the Family Home Within two months of my ordination, I sold the family home. It was the same weekend my children left for college. The housing market had crashed, and with it, my nest egg—the only financial cushion in place of alimony. But I am a Levite. Levites are wanderers. I let go, as my ancestors once did, and trusted the wilderness.
A Business Plan and a Deeper Purpose At a Passover seder in 2010, I met Edward. He offered me a 52-page business and marketing plan, sensing my potential. But I still had inner work to do, particularly in healing the feminine. Edward passed in 2021. May his memory be a blessing. His offering reminded me that others could see my becoming, even before I fully did.
From Holistic Rabbi to Sacred Flirt So I continued. I began showing up as a Holistic Rabbi. Soon after, I taught a class called The Sacred Flirt at a singles event in Boca Raton. The energy of that offering awakened something in me, and I began calling myself a Tantric Rabbi—a term that felt aligned with the way I moved energy through word, body, and soul.
Israel, My Daughter, and a Deeper Healing Call Around that time, my daughter decided to study for a year at Bar Ilan University in Israel. I booked a trip to see where she would be living and, on the same journey, I spoke at the Jerusalem International Conference on Integrative Medicine. My talk was called Healing Sexual Energy with Advanced Kundalini. My prayer was to help “her”—the feminine aspect of Israel—heal.
A Chance, Soul Alignment On my final Shabbat, I stayed at Moshav Modi’in, known as the Carlebach Moshav. There I met a Nazarite named Jah Levi. His name means “God’s Heart,” and in his presence I felt a moment of soul refinement. Perhaps it reminded me of my mother’s openness to people from all over the world, or perhaps it was a divine echo of something already within me.
Living in Ritual and Release I moved to Northern California in January 2012. There, in the rhythm of spiritual community and earth-based practice, I was invited into spaces of healing, ritual, and exploration. I witnessed how sacred sexuality and sex magic can be tools for profound transformation—or deep destruction. Not my path, but valuable teachings passed through me. Witnessed. Honored. Released.
The Fire and the Burnt Book Then, just before Valentine’s Day in 2014, I accepted a private invitation to partake in a ceremony using the medicine of the bufo toad—a potent hallucinogenic known as 5-MeO-DMT or “the God molecule.” I had turned down many offers before, but this one felt true.
I was told I received a double dose, as I awakened prematurely from the first. What followed was three days of solitary integration. In that time, the medicine helped me excavate what I didn’t yet know was buried—childhood grief, marriage wounds, ancestral weight. It awakened something timeless in me. I saw Rebbe Nachman’s Burnt Book inside my soul.
Becoming My Own Bashert My refinement felt as complete as ever. I had become my own Bashert—forever.
Deuteronomy / Our lesson in loving G*d / Divine:
The Gift of Becoming Love has been my teacher. Not the fleeting kind, but the enduring frequency that outlives pain. Love led me through the deserts of divorce, the sacred ache of caregiving, the awakening of ceremonies, and the redefinition of spiritual leadership when the title no longer fit.
The wound became the wisdom. The exile became the map. And love, pure, fierce, divine, became the compass.
Torah has taught me, yes. But it is love that has transformed me. It is love that repairs timelines. Love that humbles. Love that opens gates of mercy and teaches us to stay open even when the world shuts down.
Still, the world struggles to understand this language. We’ve confused love with approval, compliance, or transaction. We’ve mistaken power for presence and loyalty for alignment.
Redemption is for the ready. And readiness begins with remembering:
You are loved. You come from love. You are here to love.
That is the scroll I carry. That is the scroll I offer you now.
Returning to Florida and Facing Loss I returned to Florida in September 2015 as my father neared the end of his life. He died on December 5th, the night before Hanukkah. Weeks later, my knee swelled without explanation. Six months after that, I performed my first wedding ceremony, standing in sacred responsibility while my own body was learning how to bend again.
Awakening Through the Ancestors A year later, I had a dream about my father. I knew it was time to begin Jewish Ancestral Healing Meditation. Over the next two years, I connected with all four of my primary ancestors. I helped those not yet at peace find their place, and in doing so, blessings flowed back to me, to my family, and to those yet to come. This became my saving grace.
Living the Roadmap Over nine years, I performed more than 300 ceremonies and counseled more than I can count using The Roadmap to Everlasting Love.
Giving Voice to the Wound I’ve appeared on the Bad Jew podcast to speak about “What Is Love.” I’ve spoken on the Love, Hope, and Lyme podcast and later on Lyme and Beyond about spiritual healing, chronic illness, and starting over. I’ve written two articles for LymeDisease.org: A Rabbi’s Roadmap for Healing from Chronic Lyme Disease (Winter 2024) and Letting Go of Lyme and Other Illnesses This Sacred Season (Spring 2025).
Letting Go With Grace Meanwhile, my 95-year-old mother moved into independent living—healthy, vibrant, and well supported. We had shared nine sacred years together under one roof. She is my best friend, the keeper of my truths, and the one who reminds me that it’s never too late to begin again. She’s proud of me. She can’t wait to see what I’ll do next.
Carrying the Name, Living the Blessing I’ve channeled the divine presence through ancestors, angels, matriarchs, patriarchs, and through every conversation with the parts of me I’ve yet to fully meet.
An awakened life isn’t a fairy tale. Take responsibility for what your soul came here to remember and live your ultimate possibility.
With blessings,
Rabbi Melinda “Bracha” Bernstein
PS: I have recently transitioned to offering teachings on Insight Timer as “BeWithMelinda” and Sacred Vitality teachings in both written and spoken word on Substack.
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