Did you ever get an invitation to a friends wedding and feel bothered by it? Was it because the couple was going interfaith or are they LGBTQ or even worse, too weird for words? I’ve discovered three ways to un-bother you about other people’s love choices. This post is being written because I get calls by engaged couples who worry their family of origin may be bothered by their Interfaith, LGBTQ and weird wedding plans. With an unbiased ear, I listen to the sharing of their backgrounds and reflect back what I think I heard them say. This creates space for an intimate dialogue. We discuss the concerns of both parties and the ideals of their wedding vision. Sometimes we go deeper into the disenchanted reflections of the practices and traditions of Judaism. Following their train of thought, we discuss the family dynamics. For the most part, the couple wants to honor themselves and create as less of a burden on others while doing so.
While same sex marriage is becoming more accepted, not everybody is on board when it comes to accepting their own loved ones. Fortunately though, the world is moving past tolerance and into acceptance of it. I, for one, am glad to be in the conversation that heals this piece of love and marriage.
From the scientific measure of DNA testing, discoveries are shedding light on our ancestry and hence paving the path to acceptance. Did you know that scientists have discovered that two gene variants have been found more common in gay men? From the religious perspective though, Jewish law rebukes this and yet tolerance is slowly but surely is teaching us inclusivity.
What DNA testing can teach us
I took my DNA tests a few years back specifically for medical evaluations. A few months ago my brother took his DNA test and mentioned to me that he checked out over 1,000 possible relatives. He also mentioned how he is 100% Ashkenazi Jewish however I am not. This got me in high gear to check out my ancestral composition. According to my DNA results, I am 99.6% Ashkenazi Jewish and the .3% Arabian and African. Gathering this “evidence” actually verified my loving partnership choices. Many of my loving partnerships after marriage were blessed with weirdness as I re-discovered my own self. I went on to teach this self discovery in 2009 by creating The Sacred Flirt. Anyways, I was newly ordained when I taught this and articulating religion with weird was still being revealed.
Here’s three ways to undo what bothers you about Interfaith, LGBTQ & weird weddings!
- Do your best to dig into your heart and put your judgments aside for the day. If it’s hard for you, repeat this basic biblical understanding until it sinks in…. God is the only judge! If biblical shakes you up the wrong way, pick a mantra or affirmation that gets you to the place of peace in your heart. Even the Nike mantra works: Just Do It!
- On the wedding day, be sure to find a way to reduce the unspoken negativity you’re carrying. Put on some music and dance or any form of movement that connects you to your joy will do. When I work with couples or families for a funeral, one of my customs is to ask the couple (or family of the deceased) what their favorite song is. While I am getting ready for the ceremony, I play their chosen song and also do my own version of prayer dance. This practice has brought extra blessings to the couple before I even arrive to their ceremony.
- Let’s say neither of the above is resonating. Perhaps it’s time for a therapy, journaling, art therapy or some form of counseling to enable you to tackle what daunts you.
Well those are my top three! I really want you to know that I have spent considerable time in nature acknowledging what daunted me. I have painstakingly searched outside my religion to break free from the paradigm that only three branches of Judaism were available to me. When my personal commitment and agreements with God were clearly built on branches from the root of my tree of life, there was no stopping me. I had my Roadmap and just kept building deep roots with strong branches.
Life offers us choice
Like everything else, being unbothered is a choice you can make. You don’t have to be bothered by jewish, interfaith, lgbtq and weird weddings. Whether you know someone or have fallen in love with someone other than your given faith or gender, these ideas will help you get on with what is and love the gift of what love has to do with it.
Last but not least, my reason for being a rabbi is summed up by Hillel the Elder. Hillel the Elder was a Jewish religious leader and one of the most important figures in Jewish history. He had a “Golden Rule” which speaks to our ethical and moral code. “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow… (: amen 😉 (: a’woman 😉 (: a’weird 😉 (: a’whatever 😉
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ALL Photo credit by Charlie McCarthy of Angel Kiss Images and Weefan Photography
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